Peeling back the layers on the orange peel theory
It’s not enough to just be a golden retriever boyfriend anymore, now you have to be an orange peel boyfriend as well. 🍊
Showing love is hard. It’s one of those things that you need to constantly try at, and even then, your intentions may not be entirely clear to your partner. Maybe you’re the take-out-the-trash type, or the pick-up-grocery-store-flowers type, or the sure-your-parents-can-spend-Christmas-here type, but none of that matters if you don’t also peel your partner’s orange. (No, that is not a euphemism.)
The orange peel theory, as a concept, attempts to formalize and distill these acts of kindness into an SEO-friendly keyword. Essentially, there will be people in your life who when asked to peel your orange will bristle, there are some who will reluctantly help, and there are some who won’t even need to be asked. This of course is the highest ideal, and speaks to an innate urge to be cared for. Sure it seems trivial, but ladies, if he can’t even peel an orange for you do you really think he’s going to help move you into your new apartment or watch your tiny dog over the long weekend?
I admit, the bar is literally in hell.
For some time now, “Acts of Service” has been the red-headed stepchild of love languages. It pales in comparison to the showy spectacle of “Gift Giving” and lacks the sexual energy and inclinations of “Physical Touch.” In contrast, “Acts of Service” is humble and unassuming and too oft forgotten. This is why it is so notable to see this simple act heralded as the ultimate form of love. Suggesting that there is a great power in the reflexive and unquestioned giving of one’s self.
So why the sudden boon? As the TikTok generation ages, and begins to enter a more independent phase of their lives, gone is the support and safety net they once enjoyed from their helicopter parents. Now, you wake up and everything is on you — you have to decide what’s for dinner, you have to pick up your prescription from Walgreens, you have to put away your clothes or else you’ll be sleeping under the mountain on your bed for another night and it’s starting to feel less like a weighted blanket — and more like a problem. It is no wonder that many are seeking relief from this decision onslaught, and finding that what they want most this holiday season is for someone to hold some of that weight for them, even if it is just for a moment — even if it’s just peeling an orange.
But is this expectation not also the least bit infantilizing? By needing a partner to do the minutiae of life for you, are you simply regressing to a state of utter helplessness? Is an overreliance on your orange-peeling partner a resignation to your own life?
Life can be overwhelming, and there is comfort in regressing to a stage of development when fine motor skills were still lacking, and peeling the skin from an orange with a broad flat thumb seemed entirely too much to handle on one’s own. Handing over the reins to a trusted loved one who can intuit exactly your every need sounds heavenly. But so much emphasis is being placed on the intuitive sensing of our partners, that there is little room left for nuance.
To have a healthy relationship is to be able to communicate one’s needs, to expect otherwise is moreover entirely naive. If there is something that is representative of a larger issue for you, or is more affecting than it may appear, it is also your job to communicate that with your partner.
Still, there is joy in peeling your own orange. You can challenge yourself to peel it all in one try or tear the pieces like confetti. The citrus scent explodes all over your nails, giving you an aromatic treat throughout the day as you sniff your hands like Mary Katherine Gallagher. Sometimes there can be fulfillment in the doing of these small daily tasks, and choosing to play an active role in your life, no matter how small, has its benefits.
Perhaps the key to this phenomenon is not the action itself, but more the unconscious state in which it is done. When a partner does something kind for you, without needing to be asked, it speaks volumes. This is especially true in a world where asking for help can often feel like a failing. It is immensely difficult to admit that you’ve taken on too much, and that stress compounds when you also need to ask for assistance for even the little things. Suddenly, unless it is life or death (and even then) you may feel that you don’t have the right to ask for help. You should be able to handle this, you should be able to do this, you should. But you can’t.
Every year my mother and father put an orange in each other’s Christmas stocking. They peel each other's oranges and eat the wedges cheerfully as we continue our other Christmas morning traditions. It’s not much, but they never miss a year. Maybe they really love citrus fruit or maybe they are deathly afraid of contracting scurvy. Regardless, one thing is for certain, the simplest things can act as a powerful reminder that we don’t need to go it alone — it’s ok to rely on someone else from time to time.